After the Cut with Chicken Joe

With his spirited personality and joie de vive, Chicken Joe, like his name, is anything but boring. Involved in grooming since childhood, Joe has worn a number of hats during his lifetime, including 10 years spent as a "doctor of poultry genetics" (yes, there is such a thing!), which earned him his unique nickname. Though he was the second to go this season, his spirit is far from broken – find out more about the groomer who "loves making people laugh" and his life in southern Maine, where he still manages to remain Internet-free, ("I don’t do machines!" he confesses) while running his grooming business from his house that includes Spanish and Russian canaries, tortoises, and 24 Pomeranians!

Both of your parents were AKC Judges – what was it like growing up in such a dog-centric world?

I learned responsibility and how to take care of the dogs. My dad had champion beagles and was very well known in the field – actually, I thought I wanted beagles until I was eight. My dad was also a racehorse trainer during the day, so when he got home, those dogs (had) better have fresh clean cold water and be clean or we’d have hell to pay! My mom is from Bologna, Italy and even now at age 93, I bet she could still break the sound barrier with her backhand! We definitely learned respect, and (as a result), I love animals.

You’ve also shown dogs for years and won many competitions – do you prefer grooming over showing, or vice versa?

I prefer grooming over showing because I have very little patience with political judges who have "a job to do" (and) aren’t necessarily looking at the dog, but looking at who can get them the most money on the other end of the leash.

As a groomer, you’ve said that you’re accustomed to dealing with upscale, wealthy clientele – are there specific challenges that tend to come with these types of customers, and how do you combat these situations?

It’s my way or the highway – I do ask (my clients) what they want, but I do it my way. They’ll either love it or, boo-hoo, they won’t and don’t come back – but that’s never happened to date.

I do have very high-end clientele. I just groomed the dog to the heiress of the Columbia Motion Pictures estate, and next week I’ll be working on two who belong to heiress of the Snapple estate. I love getting new clients, either directly from referrals or seeing them on the street – I’ll steal clients from anyone! I’ll even approach people on the street and offer to groom their dog for free and if they don’t love it, they don’t have to come back.

Every grooming, every single day, every single dog, every single client is a challenge. I do an average of two dogs a day, because I have 24 of my own to tend to (and) I’m here all alone. There’s usually a set time my clients drop off and an exact time they pick up their dog, so I always have an eye on the clock. If I have to cancel for any reason, I will reschedule ASAP and do the dog for free.

What’s it like to have 20+ Pomeranians under one roof? What’s the pull for you in terms of primarily working with Pomeranians?

Poms are my favorite, favorite breed – Poms away! I have 24 little champions. I’m a very reputable Pom breeder – the vets in the area call me the consummate breeder, and there’s only a fraction of true dog breeders (who are) not selling them on the Internet. Usually (Poms only) have one puppy at a time – three puppies would be a big litter!

Who did you connect with the most in terms of your competitors, and on the flip side, was there anybody that rubbed you the wrong way?

I never go looking for a fight or looking for trouble, but I’m not going to back down from it. You don’t want to screw with any drag queen! It’s not in my nature to be nasty at all (but) Lisa rubbed me the wrong way from the moment I met her. The moment I met her I said, "Here we go with an aggressive type A personality".

(However), Jessica and I are now the best of friends. On May 3, we’re both going to be signing autographs at New England Pet Grooming show. I know people piss and moan that she should have gone home during the first challenge, but I could care less about that – it doesn’t involve me.

Do you have any fun, behind-the-scenes stories you can share?

Tons! Every minute! I loved harassing and haranguing the straight boy Marco. Right when we got to the dog house, everybody was clawing like a bunch of animals and gouging each other’s eyes out for who was going to get the best bed, but I held the door open for everyone. Marco and I ended up with the bunk beds. I had so much fun picking on (him) in a fun way because he was the only straight guy there. We cooked a meal one night and he asked for someone to be the sous chef – I don’t even cook pop tarts at home, but I was the sous chef!

During the "bad haircut" elimination challenge, you worked on a dog with sensitive skin. In your opinion, what’s the most difficult situation a groomer can encounter (skin conditions, matted hair, nervous dog, etc.) and why?

It’s all of the above, but I would say a medical problem is the most difficult. One of my specialties is grooming and taking care of extremely elderly dogs with very serious medical problems, including those near death. Medical conditions present a whole set of different circumstances.

Is there anything you would have done differently?

I have no regrets at all – I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. I’d love to come back next year!

What advice would you give to an aspiring groomer and what’s next for you in terms of your grooming business and career?

Do what’s right for the dog – don’t bog yourself down with some eccentric owner, do what is right for the animal first, then try and blend in what the owner’s think they want, because generally speaking, they don’t have idea what they want. Do what’s right for the dog and let the cards fall where they may. I’ve never had anyone not love what I do.

What’s next for me? This is the end of the road! I was a chicken doctor 10 years, a drag queen, an accomplished musician, and a comedian. I was in the restaurant business for 25 years. So I call this “retirement”: taking care of my dogs, breeding occasional dogs and finding wonderful homes for them, and grooming the toy dogs. If I live to be 100, and I hope I do – my dad lived until 92, and my mom is now 93, and she is sharp as a tack, like Sophie on "The Golden Girls" – but this all I really want to do.