Cat People

I Like Cats
Secret Society of Cat People »

Top 10 Comebacks for Cat Haters

By Kathy Blumenstock

Cat Comebacks

Smart people like cats.

Nasty cat comments linger like the smell in a full litter box. The anti-cat human, always ready to pounce with a tactless statement, blurts: "I HATE cats. I just can't stand them." And the unspoken follow-up is difficult to ignore: "What's wrong with YOU that you're such a cat person?" Finding the right words to respond to such a slam isn't always easy. You don't really want to engage in a cat fight, but as a cat parent, you can tolerate only so many of these outright insults to your pet.

The only way to ease your pain and shut down the cat offender is a perfectly timed, snarky comeback. Declaw the cat hater with one of these zingers:

10. "Yes, cats appeal only to people who appreciate intelligence and independence."

You sound perfectly reasonable. You're agreeing with him. He's right, after all. Cats deserve hatred, and you've proven it by providing such an amenable response to his statement. He's about to nod in agreement, when he realizes you've lobbed a little time-bomb insult, set to detonate as soon as it's understood. Score one for the cat people. You've achieved superiority, offering up a subtle compliment for yourself, plus a sly putdown to the feline hater. Cats do appreciate intelligence and independence, and they'd embrace this comeback as their own -- if they deigned to be anywhere near a cat-hating troll.