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Top 10 Comebacks for Cat Haters

Cat Comebacks

The ultimate: Hating cats makes you look fat. Got any zingers of your own? Share them in the Lounge.

3. "You were in my cat's will, but she changed it and left everything to Regis Philbin."

Where there's a will, there's a way to collect. OK, sure, the cat hater knows your cat doesn't have millions of bucks, and probably not even millions of catnip mice. But no one likes to be cut out of a will. The cat hater feels like a loser, wondering what she'll miss out on by despising the generous tabby. After all, the cat had the good taste to put her in the will in the first place -- even if everything now goes to that cat-loving TV host Regis!

2. "In your next life, may you come back as a cat."

For a true feline hater, imagining life as a cat is pure torture. Chasing mice? Eating that pinkish guck out of a can? Puking up hairballs? You'll see a visible shudder from the cat hater after this comeback. In truth, life as a cat would be the perfect existence. Lazy naps in the sun. Lovingly prepared meals. Top-quality toys, entertainment, and endless affection and adulation. That's way more than any cat hater deserves, in this life or the next. But she'll never know because she's certain she'd rather come back as anything else. How about a cockroach?

1. "Hating cats makes you look fat."

BOOM! Direct hit to the cat hater's vanity! All the diet sodas and elliptical machines in the world won't erase a comment like this one. Even someone whose weight is ideal will feel the sting. And this sting keeps on stinging -- a guaranteed earworm. A "Garfield" comic strip, a cat food commercial -- everywhere she looks, cats are preening, as if they know why those skinny jeans refuse to zip.